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The first thing you need to accept is easy. Ask yourself what the most hurtfull feeling is you have about this. Then, embrace it for what it is. In this case, possibly Betrayal or cheating.
Next, ask yourself "How did you invite this into your life?"
It's important that you identify the roles both of you played in this. It's simply to take responsibility for the part that you played in this. How did you invite this betrayal into your life?
You could have ignored some of the warning signs, you could have been too needy, or you could have given your feminine power away. You could have put up with too much of his "crap". Maybe you pushed to many issues under the rug.
Now, take as long as you need to look at the role BOTH OF YOU played in this, paying particular attention to the role YOU played.
next, take as long as you need to WATCH THE MOVIE in your mind, but from the other persons eyes. This is called EMPATHY. How to you think they percieved these events?
Step into their body and FEEL what it's like to walk a mile in their shoes. Then look at the events from a distance, as if someone else is watching the events unfold. See the movie in your mind.
See the events from your own eyes..
From the other persons eyes..
and from the 3rd person perspective
Now, ask yourself this question:
"What practical lessons did you learn from this experience?
It's SO important to learn from this, because if you choose not to, you're guaranteed to experience the same thing happening with someone else. You see? In the context of being cheated on/betrayed, what could you have done instead of _______________? (fill in the blank. Sweeping things under the carpet, nagging, etc).
What will you do differently next time?
What aspects of yourself are being reflected back to you? This will be the hardest question to face. Why?
Because most people will fail to accept things for what they are, being honest with themselves, and understand that the world is your mirror. In other words, when you're angry, or pissed at someone or something, it usually means you are seeing part of yourself that you need to handle- the world is your mirror.
For example:
If you were cheated on and have trouble having compassion for this person, talke a look at the parts of YOURSELF that you are judging. Would YOU cheat under ANY circumstance? Now is the time to be honest with yourself and be that non judge-mental observer.
Whatever it is, take responsibility. Maybe you could have trusted your intuition more, and not given in to promises (always trust your gut).
If someone steals from me, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm a thief, but I still need to look at the role I played. I should have taken better precautions to make sure my home was secure.
After you have done this, can you now release the other person from blame? This one is easy if you've looked at all three roles, and REALIZE that you are not a victim. It's wise to look at yourself as an active participant in the events because thats what you were. Don't just see the face, see the soul/spirit. There's a soul inside that body, and its here, just like you are, learning the tough lessons of love and life.
Let go of the feelings that no longer serve you, and understand that awareness and love is the only truth.
Love YOURSELF more. You deserve it. Here is your homework, and I want you to take responsibility and do this. Don't just read this and say "I have REAL compassion!"
Take out a pen (yes, one of those pointy things with ink on the end) and a piece of paper and write down 75 times:
"I accept myself fully as I am, because I am enough, and I am truly loved"
You should now be feeling a surge of compassion and gratitude for the other person involved in the conflict.
You should now be experiencing this conflict as a learning experience and as A GIFT, instead of feeling victimized.
I've done this myself and it works. God bliss!
