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me and my girlfriend of about 3 years have recently drifted apart.

mostly due to our own carelessness.

things seem to be over one day and then voila! were talking again and enjoying each

other. then were off again.

this time its probably permanent as i just dont have the strength for this love/hate

relationship any longer.

seems like ive said this before and felt this before. deja-vu anyone?

i wonder if being apart for a while will change our opinions about each other.

Drifting apart is a dangerous catchphrase. Why are you drifting apart? Is it because you have nothing in common in with your girlfriend? Or is it because you two are compatible people who are experiencing that phase in a relationship where the initial rush that you felt toward one another no longer feels as electric? Look, when you say you no longer have the strength, guess what? Maintaining a relationship doesn't get any easier the longer you two know each other. A successful relationship is hard work for each of you. As it should be -- look, do you appreciate an easy victory or do you remember best the times when you had to work your ass off to sneak in a hard-fought judge's decision? Personally, I would sacrifice an arm to get back the chance to undo something that I screwed up because I gave up on something that was meaningful early in life because I thought those opportunities to have a great relationship came along every other day. They don't. Dude, tomorrow when you wake up, you're lucky if you'll be one day older than today. Eventually, you're a decade older than the age when you went to bed and suddenly all the rules change. I'm that decade older and time isn't infinite. If you want to make the most of the time that left to you, come to a decision NOW. If you love this woman, love her without quantifiying why you love her and love her for all the right reasons. Because she makes you happy, because it doesn't make sense to wake up alone, because she looks like the ideal woman to raise kids with, because life doesn't make sense without her prominent in your life. Trust me, one day you'll go to bed a twenty-two year old man and wake up forty-nine years old. Love in order to get love and you can't go wrong.

Hmm, that's what I get for posting really late, kind of meandered a bit in my answer. But I think the first part I wrote holds true, though.

Find out if this drifting-apart is because of long-standing and unaddressed incompatibility issues between you and her, and make sure it's because you don't actually enough in common to sustain a relationship. Because after three years, you two probably know each other well enough not to surprise each other too often anymore. That's the danger: you might be perfect for each other but there doesn't seem to be much spark left between you, and that's when both of you have to have to work at keeping the relationship interesting such as trying new things together if you want to keep the relationship going. It's probably best to talk about it with her: what does she want out of a relationship with you, does she also view it as a love-hate thing?

Incidentally, why do you see it as love-hate in one sense but mutual carelessness in another? It sounds to me more like ennui than love-hate.

As for being apart as a way of making the heart fonder, that's a coin toss. It's too easy for either one of you to meet someone else while being apart, and some people just cannot be without someone for even a short amount of time. A break might do wonders to help you in your appreciation of this woman but she might not be available by then, or vice versa.

In over 20 years of marriage hubby and I have only been apart once, and that was only a month ago. Did it make his heart grow fonder? Well, either it did or he had a pickle in his pocket when he met me at the airport!

NO absent does not make the heart grow fonder.. it actully turns you both into strangers !! so If you dont want your mate to get away ,, then dont let them get away . meanwhile this heart grows fonder when you are away is full of sh****

You don't know what you have until you have lost it comes to mind.

Many of us take things for granted and then we lose the true meaning of things.

I think a time apart can rekindle the sparks that once existed in some.

Its taking things for granted that is the major problem in most relationships or friendships.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is an idiom used to express one's desire growing stronger...now, there are two ways you can take this...

(1). taken literally, then yes...absence of one can indded make one's heart grow much stronger...the issue with this is, the one being longed for, whos heart may not share the same expressed feelings within, may not reciprocate the same desired longing, in which case supports the second expressed meaning;

(2) taken figuratively, then it may in fact go in the opposite direction, whereby the absence of one may indeed grow one's feeling of longing into an even farther direction away from the other who decided to leave the relationship. Thus, the one who was left behind finds him/herself picking up the sharttered pieces of the relationship, discarding it, and begin to rebuild his/her life separately, by which they no longer feel or have the sense of urgency for he/she who has since left the relationship. This by any means is not 'growing fonder.' Rather, it is a sense of 'growing apart and independent' of the need to be a constant in the missing partner's life, thereby weakening the longing for partnership and strengthening the desire to be 'free.'

***just my observation on the whole expressive language of love.***

Whatever the outcome, dreamship...I pray you continue in your journey of learning life's language and increasing in wisdom to choose the mate of your dreams. Good luck and God bless you with peace, joy and love as you continue in your life's endeavors.

In my opinion, no it doesn't. I need to be with someone if I am their significant other. Absence for me is not a good thing, i guess everyone is different.

WB Angel....(with the long legs).

Anyway... I think it would be better put that "Absense makes the Heart wrench tighter."

No number of phone calls, emails, telegrams or anything else can replace the nearness of who you hold in your heart. One touch is worth 1,000 words (printed or spoken).

I know some have managed the LTR with success, but I know I couldn't. At least not for very long. But then again those LTRs must have had some "drop dead" time frame or at least the hope that there would be a time for being together.

ya wanna know? try being a truck driver like me. saying good bye to not only yer wife but kids, not easy, and it dont get easier with time. no one knows like truckers know

ya wanna know? try being a truck driver like me. saying good bye to not only yer wife but kids, not easy, and it dont get easier with time. no one knows like truckers know

I say yes because you are usually happy when you get to see a missed loved one. Loving from a distance is hard for some, easy for others. It all depends on the individuals personality and willingness. Some people need physical affection, they have to have it. Careers, war, sickness, jail; these 'good' reasons can take our loved ones for extended periods of time. Whether a person 'stays down' and faithful depends on their willingness to accept being able to only have emotional affection for a certain amount of time. Its all about discipline and what a person is willing to do and accept.

does absence make the heart grow fonder?? dont know, why dont ya disappear for a few months and lets see.

hmmm well said Rollo

I think "absense makes the heart grow fonder" is a crock. I have had two wives, and my absense didn't make them want me more. they just went looking else where. The only time I think "absense makes the heart grow fonder" is when it comes to your kids. Love for your mate can and does die. There are no rekindled sparks. Because the fact you drifted apart, means no spark. On rare occassion (spelling) couples do miss each other enough to keep that spark lit. You can't start a fire with already burnt wood, you need to get fresh logs to start a fire. If you run out of wood to keep the fire going, it will die out. And I agree to the above comment "No! absense doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it actually turns you into strangers." you need to learn about this person all over again. They are not the same person you started out with.

NOPE IT MAKES U DRIFT AWAY

absence makes the heart grow fonder? well it definitely strengthens ones libido,

but it's more often than not"out of sight,out of mind"

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?....

Well lets think about this. Absence is the removal of ones self from a certain person. This is accepted...

For myself: When you are gone, I think of you. I think of your smile. I think of your laugh. I think of your hug. I anticipate the moment you will walk through the door and I can throw my arms around you and tell you how much I missed you. Whether that be a day while your at work, a business trip, a small weekend apart, or whatever. My heart does indeed grow fonder.

But there are stipulations to this.

When you get home do you throw your arms around me and lift me into your hug with a big kiss? Do you show me your appreciation?

Or

Do you come in pissed off and take it out on me? Crushing my anticipation of you into smithereens?

Do you take a few seconds to pick me a flower out of the yard just because or do you tell me if I really loved you I would have your clothes folded and put away?

Cuz honestly if you habitually respond to my heartfelt anticipation of your return in a negative manner you will condition me to detest your arival.

In that context, the heart has no choice except to segregate itself from you.

Its a give and take. You can't expect fondness to grow in your absence if the reunion is lacking. If your interactions aren't fulfilling needs, then people look elsewhere.

i know the absences of sex has made me grow fonder of the idea of getting it. does that count? LOL

Very well said, Cherry. I agree. It is not the distance or time but the reaction when two are together that counts. My fiance is a truck driver. I haven't seen him for nearly a month now. We talk for hours every night. He sends me pics of where he is so we can kinda/sorta be there together. We talk of hopes and dreams and plans for the future. We of course argue. Try having long-distance make-up sex. But when he gets home, we are stuck together like glue. Neither can do enough for the other. We make sure the quality time really is quality.

I was married for 20 years previously and did the 'drift apart' thing. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and ignore the little things until one day you look at each other and have no idea who you have been sleeping next to for years. And find, you don't like each other. Whether physically close or miles apart, relationships take effort, on both sides. When either stops trying, even just a little, it all falls apart.

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