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Hopefully this will be a good way for women to get answers to common questions or pet peeves.

I have a question...I am looking for a good guy that is not preoccupied with sex. Do they exist or is it a myth like big foot? lol

my question to you is after 4 kids you don't want no more sex?

Did I say that? i said one that is not preoccupied with it. I don't want a guy that wants me ankles in the air while the kids run amuck before there's even a ring on my finger ya dig?

AND WTF? WHY is it that just because i have 4 kids, i must be an easy slut? men treat me like that alot. I had 4 kids, 2 1/2 years apart, with the same man. I am divorced because after 10 years of marriage, and 4 kids..HE decided he didn't want to be a dad or a husband anymore. I'm very much a one man woman. If you guys find that one man i'm looking for, please, let him know i'm waiting.

Other than the obvious biological relation, what does sex have to do with having kids?

I know plenty of women who love sex and have no intention of having kids.

(Me? I'm totally preoccupied with sex. )

tck, I don't know. I"m just saying that some VERY DUMB MEN have made this thought pattern the norm. She has kids...Kids start out as babies...Babies come from sex, she must love it.

I like sex as much as the next woman i suppose, i just think it has it's time and place, and i dont' believe in having sex as a recreational sport. YOU are NOT going to find me crusing the bars looking for the next cheap hook up. I have to feel like i'm in a comitted relationship, the sex is better when you really care for someone.

Well, since men think about sex every 6-8 seconds on average....I suppose it comes down to what your definition of "preoccupied" is......LOL

I totally get what you're saying Katie. It does seem like many men assume a single woman with kids must be easy, and only want the "wham - bam - thank you ma'am" Never mind that the kids are from a long relationship. But thankfully that isn't all men. But at the same time, I seem to have the opposite problem now I'm in a relationship, lol. The question I'd like answered is why my boyfriend seemed to lose his sex drive once we got a house together? Is it simply because he now feels secure and not so affraid I'll look to someone else to have needs met, or is it a matter of knowing I'm there anytime he decides he needs it, so it's no longer so important... which I'm not saying it is the most important thing, but still it's something I'd like to understand... Why go from four or more times a week to perhaps once a week in the space of time it took us to get moved into our house together?

And by the way tck, I think we all know you're preoccupied with sex LOL!!!! I don't think you've left that little aspect of your personallity in question.

Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars! (thank whomever)

I don't know, Shop...sometimes there are people of both sexes that seem to be from Uranus. Those ones make for a shitty relationship.

Good for you Katie, I love a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind! Keep looking, eventually you're going to find the guy who isn't preoccupied all of the time with sex, and can appreciate the fact that you speak your mind, and you'll be comfortable doing it- ok, I'm off my soap box now- haha

Good for you Katie, I love a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind! Keep looking, eventually you're going to find the guy who isn't preoccupied all of the time with sex, and can appreciate the fact that you speak your mind, and you'll be comfortable doing it- ok, I'm off my soap box now- haha

I KNEW that was going to happen, the second I hit "enter", geeeeeeeeeeeez!

I beg to differ with Mostie's post. I think, as a rule, all men are preoccupied with sex. I think Robbie's reference is accurate. What you need to find is a man than has learned to be not so obvious with his preoccupation.

lol, oh that's ok, frck- it doesn't matter to me, because I'm preoccupied with sex- but Captain doesn't mind, so it all evens out, hahaha

I want to know why do alot men bullshit so much? I also want to know why when you are dating them, they say we are going do this, this and this, and that never comes to be. Also why they tell you i want you to be my special lady, and they are saying that to a few others.

Man are you a TV?

I can't believe this Yellow guy just asked Manny if she was a transvestite.. I have NO idea if I spelled that right or not.

What an asshole question to ask someone. She looks like a girl to me.. WOW Yellow.. you sure are asking for an ass kicking.

hi rose, i was just wondering, if you had a **** or not? or both maybe? please do tell, i am curious, dont be offended.......if you do have both, do you play with them both at once?......inquiring minds would like to know, thanks.

Go Rose! My Girl! Either Yellow is in dire need of an Opthamologist or looking for a TV and will need a Proctologist. Yes Manhattan, we (men) tell women whatever we think they want to hear. Geesh, I still do it to my wife after over 30 years. Most like yourself (my Wife also) are smart enough to see thru the BS. It goes back to Robbies POV. Whatever it takes? Why? Don't know the answer to that either. The end justifies the means? Maybe why its so easy for notorious womanizers to become good politicians. Experienced in lying to screw people. And yes Capt., thats a great point. Some relationships make you feel like a piece of toilet paper. Manhattan, by the way Babe, have I told you about my....... (jking)

"I want to know why do alot men bullshit so much? I also want to know why when you are dating them, they say we are going do this, this and this, and that never comes to be. Also why they tell you i want you to be my special lady, and they are saying that to a few others."

Most men do it because it works.

LOL

Trig's not preoccupied with sex, since he cant get it up anymore..

I've got one: Why do men (in general) stop asking their girl out on a date after they've been together awhile?

When it's early in the relationship, they can't wait to nail down a Saturday night date the Tuesday before, but then, on their drive home from work on a Friday, it's "Hey, so are we getting together tomorrow?"

It's like, No, we are not, because you didn't ask, so I made other plans with someone who did (usually a GNO, lol)!

So why is that? Is it because they stop thinking about how exciting it is to be with her and just figure they'll fill whatever free time they might have?

ok there winkproof, for starters...what is a GNO?

and secondly,...that seems to be a pretty common occurence,...people getting comfortable with each other,and trusting they will be available to and for each other,

i guess that has pros and cons,the romantic high at the beginning of relationships,is pretty highintensity,im not sure if its even healthy for humans to maintain it for long periods of time,...its pretty hard for a man to concentrate on his work when his mind is on a woman 24/7,roads would get all screwed up,crop rows crooked and winding instead of straight,money thrown around with no sense,no sleep,...no mens work would get done in the world if men kept that highintensity fever going forever,its pretty taxing on us too,...maybe he trusted that you wanted to be with him saturday night,knowing you preferred each others company.

But...on the plus side,it might be nice for a woman to be comfortable enough that she knows if she gains a few pounds,he is still going to be around,etc.

but...it does work both ways,at the beginning of a relationship,a woman can show great hospitality,and make a man feel wanted,and vice versa,...but then..it seems to wear off,...it just seems that couples get comfortable with each other,which has good points,and some that seem bad,..yeah the highintensity is definitely a rush.

and Ma-aa-aa-aa-aa-nn-nn-y,lol,"why do men b.s. so much ,say were gonna do all tis and that,and it never comes to be"and "tell a woman they want her to be their special lady,but then also say that to a few others",...i know it sounds bad but...the truth in my eyes is..,a man really means it when he says "were gonna do this that and the other"but sometimes is distracted because we never seem to make it out of the bedroom,or sometimes...more practical matters interfere once a relationship becomes more established,..basic life essentials that we forget about while in our highintensity fever stage,suddenly come crashing down on us like a ton of bricks,practical matters.

Also...sounds bad...but when a man tells a woman he wants her to be his "special lady" and also tells that to a few others...again...it sucks..but still ...he means it.probably didnt intend to emotionally connect with the others,or whatever,but often he meant it just the same...which does not justify it if a man has made some sort of pledge to a woman,in that case,he ought to take all steps necessary to keep himself from "making other women special" in that way,or connecting emotionally with them,

in my own experience,i use the complete avoidance technique to insure fidelity,i'm terrible at multitasking,so thats the way that works for me,but until a man,...at least myself...makes or participates in some formal,mutual, pledge...it can be hard to avoid other women,and seem unneccessary,...thats just my 2 cents

GNO= Girls Night Out

You know Katie (I wont call you Dork for short /smiles)...some VERY DUMB MEN have these thought patterns indeed...the woman having more than one child thing...presumptions are just like that, thinking without knowing. But there are a lot of them that dont. Sometimes (not always) it depends on the upbringing, level of education and...manners that have been instilled into a person growing up that will make them think in certain ways. Society affects us as well I suspect and the question is what kind of society the men that you have met or seen are from perhaps...? And, not to perpetuate the presumptive thinking, I know that there are a lot of different people from different societies that are great, they dont all conform to certain stereotypes just because they grew up in a certain place or certain way. But meeting the stereotypes will oftentimes inform, or shape, your perceptions, understanding and experience, and thats when youll feel like ALL men or ALL women or ALL anything, is only a certain way. This is what seems to be the case with MANHATTANBABE as well...she is asking a question that in some ways seem to be directed at all men...even though I think that she doesnt think that way about ALL MEN. Still...shes had experiences that are revealed from her words...and unlike ADAMSLTs answer, I dont think that all men mean it when they say these things.

I once knew a guy back in college who said he was going to get into trouble because he was dating 2 or 3 girls at the same time. When I got over the shock of realising that this guy, who didnt even look nice, at least in my mind, was able to date more than one girl (I would have thought he wouldnt be able to date even one but there you go) I asked him why he would do such a thing...he never gave me a clear answer but he just went with what he wanted...and he wanted girls. It was a thrill for him obviously but then he was never interested in maintaining those relationships for long...he was interested in something completely different. The point is...he would tell these girls anything if it brought him what he wanted. No one else of my male acquaintances would behave this way...it was him alone who did this. And thats just the point...there are SOME INDIVIDUALS who will do these things and you have to avoid them unless you want that or are the same way. If you dont, then dont behave that way and avoid such people at all cost. Theres got to be tell-tale signs...and give these things time...that oftentimes will show if a person means what they say...to get to know someone really well I guess and that takes communication I think...lots of it. Do you have the patience for that? A lot of people dont or dont care to...

Oh Katie...see JELESTRA...she has the opposite problem. Isnt that interesting? Thats something Ive heard of before...that the intimate aspects of the relationship seem to diminish, especially on the mans part, as soon as people are firmly together or have a few kids. I find this really sad for more reasons than one (if I had gotten with someone on that level, I would never want to feel like that...Id want us to go on experiencing intimate moments for as long as physically possible /smiles). I do have a suspicion that it has to do with something deep within some men...and some women too, but for different reasons. In men it may be some sort of function, mental or chemical or whatever...kind of like the survival mechanisms we have for instance, some instinctual behavioural that kicks in and we dont have complete control over. The reason "WHY" is interesting because it might provide us with an answer on HOW TO CHANGE IT.

One minor cause could be the lack of excitement...due to not having any surprises anymore...it all gets familiar, you know each others bodies so well (which is just a wonderful thing though...that intimacy with anothers body that you come to love its every aspect...that amazing feeling of home that another body can hold for you...its scent...the feel of the skin...its regular and irregular bits...that only you know...hmm) it gets into a routine maybe...so perhaps keeping things fresh and even spicing them up a bit may be an answer. For instance...present your body in a new way...cover up a bit...in some beautiful clothes (yeah, new lingerie for instance). This might work especially well for men maybe...? Some men (or maybe many, I dont have access to any statistics on this) seem to get off on novelties...the feeling of new-ness brings excitement. Think of them when they were kids, when they get a new toy...its great to play with...for a while...but then its not as exciting anymore. So perhaps the answer lies in the male psyche that governs the behaviour and other patterns of men. The idea of wrapping yourself up in something that he hasnt seen before, might be quite enticing. Of course, the woman will have different kinds of needs too and men should find out what and give it to them as it would no doubt have a reciprocal effect too...meaning, what you give, youd get back.../smiles. Thats why I believe so much in GIVING AND RECEVING, rather than giving and taking.

Also...at least I think...it could be that some deep wishes or desires are being held back on account of fear of judgement? It could possibly be a really good idea to ask each other, without judgement, if there are any wishes or desires that havent been fulfilled but that you would like to be. Maybe something like that is lurking beneath the surface. That would certainly help with excitement. Just imagine, your partner is asking you if you have any desires youd want fulfilled and she/he is willing to give that to you (if he/she can possibly provide it). Now that is LOVE...to me anyway.

Not to be able to get what you REALLY want...may sometimes make certain aspects of a relationship rather boring and pointless. So maybe asking each other what the other one would want, with the aim of giving each other that gift...a wish come true kind of thing...in the bedroom department (even though it doesnt have to stay there of course) could help...? I dont really know to tell you the truth, but Im thinking about these things as something I would try if I ended up in a similar situation.

I dont agree with ADAMSLTs answer completely...I think that SOME men may be that way...and maybe ADAM speaks from his own experience? Maybe you meant things you said but for some reason it didnt happen and you got to hear something similar to what MANHATTANBABE is saying? I, for instance, have never said the words I want you to be my special lady to any woman in my life...I think it sounds corny as hell...Id rather say I love you than that, pure and simple. But the most important thing is...Id only say it if I meant it...if I felt it...otherwise itd be scary as hell...not to mention misleading and that would only lead to problems. I dont want those things...theyre bad (problems that is). Life can throw enough of those at you so I dont want to join life in that and throw some more at myself. That would be mad!

No, the point is, men may be similar, but that doesnt make them the same, far from it. The same goes for women too obviously. Sometimes (or oftentimes in some peoples case) youll get along better with a person of the opposite sex because you may have more in common with that person, in your mentality and emotions or perhaps theres just good chemistry between you.

The point is...whatever anyone says, they better mean it or it wont have any value. And unfortunately for you MANHATTANBABE, it seems youve met some men that are of the type who dont mean what they say...because theyre out for something else maybe? Youve simply got to avoid those kinds of people and invest your LIFE-TIME in something more valuable. I mean, if you chose a car for yourself, would you not do some research? I hope you wouldnt just go for it because you liked the colour...the salesman is going to tell you anything he thinks you want to hear. And thats exactly what some guys do (and women), cause thats exactly what theyre doing, without realising it; theyre trying to sell themselves to you as something they arent. As long as you try it (them), theyll get a ride...for YOUR petrol money. In truth though, its the fact that they get what they want from you...and you stand to lose (even though in reality they lose...but they dont know it, just like they dont know that what theyre actually doing is selling themselves...their own self and their own life-time...and because they manage to gratify their own desires, they are under the illusion that they are achieving something good; they think theyve won something but dont realise the true implications of their actions...but thats a whole different discussion...).

Again it may be a case of where you live, what upbringing and society plus, ABOVE ALL, what personal choices those individuals that you have met, make. How do they want to run their lives? What do they want and what are they willing to do in order to get that? Some guys just want women...they dont want any of the responsibility that comes with getting to know another person, friend or beloved.

Isnt that the age-old thing? You want all the fun but none of the responsibility. Our society (at least in the Western world) is full of the quick-fix mentality. Just think of the FAST FOOD, FAST CARS, FAST WOMEN, TIME MANAGEMENT, EFFICIENCY and BUSINESS. Everyone wants everything and wants it now. FAME AND FORTUNE, without the necessary talent, just speed-through to your desires. The one that can provide it the fastest will often win the business race or political race or whatever. Politicians promise you things you want, even though, more often than not, they arent able to deliver it.

Children are growing up in a world where you can get anything at the click of a button...internet anyone? It used to be dial-up (which some still have), onto ADSL and now BROADBAND. Whats next? The Speed of light? Yeah, fibre optics is already used in some places so...who knows. I mean, how many will have read this far even?

So...were actually being made to think of things in this way...because somewhere, someone makes more of a profit if something can run slightly faster than before. Why wait for the tomato to grow if you can make it grow instantly? Instant coffee anyone? Blink and its here! How lovely! And all the while...no one knows the virtue of patience anymore...and what do things mean to you if you dont have to learn and wait for something...until you are ready. After all, a fruit picked unripe doesnt taste as good or sweet as when it has ripened. And love...love can grow...friendships can grow...if you have the patience...and perhaps that is the best way...if you have the patience. And, above all, if that is what you want... . . .

"I've got one: Why do men (in general) stop asking their girl out on a date after they've been together awhile?

When it's early in the relationship, they can't wait to nail down a Saturday night date the Tuesday before, but then, on their drive home from work on a Friday, it's "Hey, so are we getting together tomorrow?"

It's like, No, we are not, because you didn't ask, so I made other plans with someone who did (usually a GNO, lol)!"

And the guy cleverly smiles to himself as he prepares for 'Boys Night Out'.

LISA...I couldnt agree more because there are so many positive effects that come from continuing with certain positive actions throughout your relationship. ADAMSLT made a great point...at least initially /smiles. The initial thing is very high-intensity...and whereas that never remains (were all changing all the time after all) it should serve to fuel the relationship into a stronger and firmer place. And it would, provided you meet the right person I think...and gradually youll be able to build straight roads again /smiles. I also dont think you were referring to dating in the initial stages but AFTERWARDS. Besides, dating continuously throughout your relationship isnt about dating in the same way as you did when you first started out. It can get even better...but yeah, it does take effort (without becoming a burden though) and some feel too tired to do that...understandable but also regrettable.

To tell you the truth though, work takes your mind off most things at times, at least for some and at least if it demands it of you and it doesnt matter how much you love someone or not...that is still there in your heart, in every action that you carry out in your life because you are fuelled, positively, by those that love you and the love you carry for them. I think weve all experienced days at work or wherever after having had a bad argument with a significant other and know how badly that can affect us...it can make working properly almost impossible...but on the other hand, sometimes the work helps you to disconnect from the bad stuff and so you can work even better. But you might not look forward to returning home at the end of the day... The point is, love and our loved ones have the power to affect us very strongly, positively and negatively.

The health aspects of being in love are actually very positive...as are intimate workouts (more so if youre in love). This has been proven more times than one (the whole thing about how it releases hormones with positive effects on your body and being anti-aging and all that). You really can feel like youre walking on clouds when youre in love...and after certain other loving activities.

And thats why Lisas point is great...how happy do people feel when they have a date? Usually really happy. Its exciting and again, youre walking on clouds...you want work to finish so you can go on the date...the girl wants to go home, get dressed, wrestle with her choices (wishing time would come to a stand-still, just while shes trying various outfits...no, not every woman does this or wishes this, of course) /smiles. Then to have the man say (and mean it) she looks beautiful...perhaps with his jaw on the floor.../smiles. Then you go out...eat and head for a movie (action or romance? maybe romantic comedy as a compromise...or better yet, fantasy/sci-fi (I wish) /haha) or the theatre...and then sit on the grass someplace under the moon...of course you might have to contend with a few bugs and such, but as long as youre not in a swamp, it might be a wonderful thing...especially as you brought a blanket...and you lie on it, in each others arms and whisper things and explore each others.../smiles. Yeah, it can be great. And the next day you walk around with a shining face because it has an effect on your skin too apparently /smiles.

It doesnt have to happen all the time of course but whatever else you do, a date every so often would be great and make you both feel that wonderful way. But both parties have to make the effort...this is the thing I said before, give and you will receive...and if you dont, then talk to each other because whatever we want, is our own responsibility to communicate. You cant necessarily have it if you dont make it known.

Dating can be a rather horrible experience for some people though, especially before they find someone. When they get into a relationship they thank their lucky stars that they wont have to deal with the horrible dating business anymore. The fear of rejection, worrying about your appearance, not make a bad impression, maybe being scrutinised, the whole meat-market thing...yeah there are some pretty bad things related to dating too.

But I dont think thats the point youre making either LISA. If all else is well within the relationship, the dating should still go on...with all the nice aspects without any bad, as you already know each other and theres not exactly the fear of being rejected (imagine that, being rejected by your date when shes your wife or girlfriend.../smiles). Its a date with better hopes and guarantees /smiles.

If anyones ever read the manner of courting from old...like way back when they started it in the 10th and 11th centuries in Andalusian Spain and what not, its pretty interesting to think that they used to say that you should never ever approach a woman for romantic purposes without sending a message first... Meaning some word...a letter, a flower, an invitation, something before you ever expected anything from her. This was the instruction to men. You had to make an effort. You start with a word, well before a touch even! And you kept this up throughout your marriage or bond or whatever. It would always have to be this way. Dont take what Im writing literally, there were a hundred variations on it, and even more today, but still, theres a valid point in this. Courting should never cease in some aspects.

Theres a really sound reason for this too. It is about the bond that it creates between two people. Making an effort, and dating does require some effort, even though it doesnt have to become a burden(!), helps to strengthen the bond of love between two people. And that can only be good. Theres so many good things that can happen that we dont even know about. A girl once told me that shed never received flowers at her work...and when her guy heard this as a passing note in a conversation, he arranged for some to be sent to her at work. It was a complete surprise, in front of everyone, she was in tears along with her female friends too I think. It had a much greater effect than the guy ever even realised because he was never there to see it. But he did find out...and its a great thing what even a little effort can do.

When you consider how that makes a person feel...why should we not be able to feel it after a while? What is it that takes away the right for a woman, or a man, to feel like someone still wants to date them...that theyre date-able? If something makes you feel good and it is a positive thing, then why should it stop? If anything, it should become more elaborate and brilliant...but then real life knocks on the door and the dream is shattered...or is it?

Real life really does put a strain on us...and I dont even know why we call it real life, its not like its the most, innermost, important things. More like things we HAVE TO DO. We have to juggle a lot of things today, yes, but between the things we have to do (work, dealing with kids, visit family, help family, be helped by family), and the things we want to do (work, deal with kids, visit the family, help the family, hang with friends, play the guitar, read books, research, study etc etc etc), we should be able to carry out these things too...if we prioritise it. And lets face it...your beloved has got to be a priority.

She (or he) is the one youre sharing your life with, shes your wife, your lover, your bitch (if youre that way inclined), your witch (if youre that way inclined), your partner, your unique friend, your warmth, your clothes (in a symbolical way), your home, the mother of your children...and you are her (or his) significant other and should be treated in the same way. And maybe this is part of the problem...youre so familiar with each other that you take things for granted. That isnt a sin, unless you do it knowingly, its a mistake...its something youve gotten used to without noticing on account of life taking over, other prio

...other priorities, work, kids, family etc, etc until youre so tired that when you have a moment to yourself...you want to do the things you love...your hobbies, hanging with friends...its been so long since you went to see a movie with the guys...had a game or something...and after all of that...whos got time for anything but sleep?

This is a tough one when you look at the entire picture. But still LISA, you definitely have a point and it should definitely be possible to fit that in too. Especially when you meet up anyway. Turning that into something a bit more special such as a date would only be a good thing. But it has to be more than just asking for a date of course. Its not like you do the same thing and just change the name of it. It should be at least a little bit special. When you consider the possible positive consequences of it...it should definitely be a continuing part of a relationship I think...

I think its easy for some to fall into the trap of everyday life, along with taking things for granted and getting used to things, not making the effort of spicing things up, trying new things, which happens to a lot of people when they get older, some are more conservative than others, and so on. There was a survey or some research done that found out that many people stopped trying new dishes at around age 35 and others stopped listening to new music at around the same age. They felt most comfortable with those things and growing had that effect on them. This can easily become a trap for many human beings. But once we know we can obviously take steps to rectify this.

To remain with things were comfortable with can make life easy in some ways, but also boring, so having a bit of a sense of adventure and wanting to try new things in at least some facets of your life, might be the anti-dote to it all. Sometimes people need to be reminded of this I guess...

In order to get what we want we have to do something new mostly...what happens when we feel we have the thing we want? Some people want to stay there...but its bound to get boring at some point...because nothing in life is static but not everyone feels this way or even perceives this. Nothing remains the same...everything is changing, even the rocks and mountains even if we may not perceive it. Some people date to get what they want...once they get it, they dont want to date anymore or think they have to.

To use another analogy, one that Im not completely convinced by, for some men, who seem to have a strong sense of hunting inbred through generations of early humans and their circumstances, they love to hunt for things and view women through the same senses, oftentimes unknowingly. It should be said that some women will also go for such men more than anything, and thus what they initially like they choose themselves. These men wont really feel the same way after theyve hunted and caught their prey. That is to say, IF this theory has any credibility and Im not completely convinced that it does. I think that some men behave this way but Im not sure that the existence of the behaviour proves the theory. I think some men just feel this way. Its kind of like, what you say and feel before ejaculation and what you feel afterwards. This doesnt apply to all men of course and its tricky stuff to figure out.

This isnt to say that men who have caught their prey dont love the woman they are with...its just that something is missing. This does NOT mean that we should apply that crazy book The Rules or whatever it was called, to catch a man and keep him. I think its much better to truly learn to understand each other and then to freely and lovingly give each other what we need or desire. This is truly loving and without the manipulative nature of some other ways because manipulation doesnt have a place in a loving relationship, not for me anyway.

So...it could be as easy as communicating to the man that you want the dating to go on I think...all the way to maybe doing things that he finds really nice when you do have a date. Both parties should make it fun for the other...give each other gifts...not necessarily things, it could be anything, a race-car ride as a gift from the woman to the man, he might arrange for a horse and carriage ride, it may just be extra amounts of kisses, hugs and more...intimate things. What if...you agree to have 3 regular dates every month and one special that you take turns in arranging for each other. That way, one month the girl might arrange for the guy to have a day testing out a race-car on a track, after which you have dinner or similar. The next month the guy might arrange for you both to have a balloon ride...I dont know. Sometimes it might just be a walk in a beautiful park...whatever you agree to without making it a burden and without pressure. But doing something special, with a purpose, oftentimes works well with some people (men).

I guess it comes down to getting to know each other and then theres money issues maybe...sometimes you cant do many grand things but as long as youre together just having a pic-nic with home-made sandwiches, thats great too.

I think I could go on and on...in fact I think Ive already done that /smiles. So I better stop here before I alienate even more people on this site /wry smile.

Great posting JEFF...and Im sorry that Ive rambled so much but Im a thinker...not much else to do when youre perched on a branch under the moon.../smiles.

aw crap - my attention span just broke!

how many guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I could have bet on the fact that it would have Cris...and you're not the only one methinks...and I don't blame you.../smiles.

This all makes me think of the movie, "he's just not that into you" I'm just going to stick with that theory for now. I think both men and woman play games, but the games stop after you reach that point of no return,,,that is when you have fallen for them, the games stop and the serious side comes out and thats when you realize what you really want from the opposite sex. Me personally,,don't believe in games,,I like to tell it like it is,,so yea,,im sticking to the movie,,,and if anyone has seen it,,it is in my opinion,,on the money.

I haven't seen that movie...and I don't think that ALL men and women play games...au contraire...there's almost a different version for every person that exists...methinks anyway.... . . . .

Games?

I love spin the bottle.

Holy Moly, how behind the times am I? When someone up there asked Manny if she was a tv, I swear I thought they meant a television set, and I couldn't figure out why on earth they would think she was a tv set!

How blonde do I feel, lol-

Mostie, i felt like a blonde also, lol, i need to catch up on thses lingo changes. Wow im a tranny, next they'll be saying i work along Barry Manilow as one of the copa cabana he/shes dancers. lmao

I was just talking about certain men not all.

wow,as was i,lol,but im sure learning alot about myself as raven psychoanalyses me,....ok,raven...to go on and on and on,...is just rude,regardless of how much one "smiles innocently"while doing so.Not trying to be a jerk to you or anything

manny it just depends on who's light bulb were screwing in lol

LOL LMAO here, So many good points, by so many people & there opinions. So here goes, Man's pre-occupation with SEX is a DESIRE to PROCREATE which is in ALL ANIMALS. A chimp does it for Banana's, the more he gets her the food the more procreational SEX he gets DOH! Humans we are quite the complicated species of life & questions will always be there concerning both oppossing sexs.KISS theory Eh! Darwin, Hawkens, Einstein even Froyd took the time to enjoy life & STOP analysing all aspects of it all the time YOU MISS OUT on it alot. Get the courage and committ your heart, mind, body and soul to another in loving them otherwise U MISSING OUT ON A GOOD THING. P.S. I LOVE U LIZZY come out,come out where ever U are LOL and let's play French Maid tonite ROFLMAO

Just a question. Is it a common trait for men to be selfish and egocentric when it comes to relationship and sex. What matters to them is themselves and nothing but themselves alone!

I do understand some women are demanding.

"I do understand some woman are demanding" Some? LOL And to answer your question, yes it is a common trait. We're men after all.

"Is it a common trait for men to be selfish and egocentric when it comes to relationship and sex. What matters to them is themselves and nothing but themselves alone!"

Most girls who encounter this continue to keep selecting the exact same kind of men time after time.

Then they (incorrectly ) assume all men are like the ones they keep being drawn to.

(So, the answer is... because YOU like it?)

nelson:

Men are mutualists. We want to tackle life's challenges with someone, not for them or vice versa. Even a good man can act selfish if his subconscious defenses are triggered by a perceived invasion of the equal terms. Or you found a jerk who would never have acknowledged equality in the first place. I think relationships can lead to destructive feelings of entitlement, but it you phrase your requests as if your man has a right to refuse them then a good one won't say no.

The human spirit is awakened by new experiences. You could date more jerks, buy a crop, and punish them accordingly - I'll bring mine if you want to vent

Why would some people lie about almost everything? Somebody started communicating with me and the profile says... he's 49 years old. He posted a younger picture of himself only. He said he lost a lot of weight and he goes to the gym regularly. Anyway, I am a curious soul and decided to meet him at a coffee shop. He looked way too old to be 49. He said he's an honest man and sincere. He told me to check the FBI record, check his background and I will not find anything wrong with him. But he kind of got upset when I pointed about his posted age of 49 and told me I should go to Washington, DC if I want to find liars. That I live in a "perfect world", that if I let go of the truth, I will be FREE!

He finally said "he's 54". But somehow, I would not believe him. He's more like 59 or 60! and possibly a mental nut too! He said he's a motivational speaker, but somehow failed to motivate me to see him again!

why that RAT'BASTID!!!!

nelson, on behalf of honest men up and down the information highway, let me assure you that from now on, we'll all keep trying to be as honest and forthcoming as you women!

Nelson, the use of a webcam to meet first is always a good start; if you want to ask to see his ID to prove the lie - do it in the first 30 seconds before you click your mouse onto someone else's profile... btw, ask him to show you with his webcam the mansion he is living in if there is doubt about that too. PS Obviously there was no desire to meet any further but if there was - ABSOLUTELY take up the offer to get a police background check on someone who is offering - since he is the one that has to request it - join him for your second cup of coffee in that department as he fills in the paper work for the request. Anyone who is offering a police background check on the first cup of coffee needs to have their bluff called!

A man lie to a woman, or vise versa? In mingles? Never! Why the mere thought. LOL Cristo said it best "buyer beware" Careful nelson, and forget the FBI you can always ask for and get advice from Martains posing as 107yo earthlings and dogs who drive,named "Bob", the cimmgod(dont't make him angry though,JKING), captain diddley, the hunter. And countless other normal men here.

My my my... how we flatter ourselves with the use of the word... "normal" LOL We determine our "normalness" according to who we compare ourselves to! LOL And that is one line up of comparisons shop!

Hi Cristobalito,

So you're from Missouri? I have a piece of property in a very nice town called Maysville.I'm renting it to a farmer. It's overlooking Maysville on top of a high hill. I sure love the roads in Missouri - especially near smithville. I forgot the name of the road that looks like a roller coaster ride! I would say Missouri is one of my favorite state!

GOOOO CHRISTOOO!!!!!

6x in a few minutes,her goal is 10!!!!!

and she owns good ground too!!!

GO-GO-GO-GO-GO!!!!!!!!!

just make sure she wouldnt oppress you for cleaning fish in the house

she probably already has her own electric knife too

cool nelson, you should post pictures of that area on your mingles profile, it IS gorgeous there - just east of that area is a HUGE amish community

the phillipines are gorgeous too - do you have photos of Ft.Lauderdale/Miami?? I love that area too! Ever been south of Miami?

Nelson, was the person's Mingles username "Adoni" by any chance? But I guess he's gone now isn't he (good riddance too).

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience. Believe me when I say that there are honest guys out there. Patience and perseverence will win out. You are a beautiful lady and any sane man would count himself fortunate to have you in his life.

You guys are hilarious, make me really want to deal with all of you, LOL! Fish, I buy fish from the grocery so I don't have to put up with the scales! Kidding aside, I have been to the eastern side of the U.S from Florida to Maine. We had plans to put up a dome house in Maysville, got all the plans, contractors, etc. But my husband passed away due to cancer complications and the retirement house will never come true. So it was good that we did not start anything.

Shop, no eletric knife yet, just the scissor, I do have a great machete from the Philippines, Great for clearing overgrown bushes!

My cousin-in-laws are living in Smithville, and the ones who invited us to move there. We went there a couple of times and the last visit was on April of 2007 - freezing cold and we stayed in a campground with our 3 dogs. Had to drive the RV so we can take the dogs for a vacation!

oh RON....... how COULD you expect dishonesty here?!?!?!?!

GASP!!

OMG!!!

you're talking about a gentile 45 year old FilipinA widow(although SHE says "filipinO" lol) !!!

not to mention, an UPSTANDING member of the local business community with her successful computer business since 1978!

success at age 14 - ron, you MUST respect that!!

Absolutely, Cristo. Self-sufficient, intelligent and judging by her posts elsewhere, adventurous: what's not to like?

OUCH!-*scissors, machete*

Okay, let's get this business straightened out. The computer business started by my husband in 1978. It has been successfully running since then. I met my husband (an MIT phD graduate) in 1992, and helped him run his company..modesty aside, I have done a lot of work for this company from assembly, purchasing, bookkeeping, tech support,networking, cabling, etc. So I'm not just a secretary or receptionist.

Prior to this, at the age of 16, I worked as a marine biologist/researcher, graduated from University of San Carlos in Cebu Philippines. My first job before graduating in college was working with red tide in Maqueda Bay, Samar, Leyte. Then I was hired by a nun to work on her dissertation re:macrobenthic algae of Central Visayas with emphasis on economic availability and distribution.

From then on I worked for this American-owned research company for over 11 years as researcher/diver/marine bio doing various jobs ranging from hydrographic research, pollution monitoring, also for PASAR smelting company in Isabel, Leyte; hatchery, seafood holding facility (seafood City-Lahug, Cebu) set up, build a compressor platform for diving, supervising 250 divers at Mactan Shangrila Hotel in Mactan, Cebu to build the very first artificial white sand beach and remove the heavy siltation and mud build-up along the blasted cliff on the shoreline, I also had the chance to work for Philippine Tourism Authority and was sent to the U.S. to learn how the U.S. run their national parks. I went to California in 1991, visited Yosemite Natl. Park, San Diego Zoo, La Brea Tar pit, Disney, Monterey Aquarium, etc. After that I went back to the Philippines, and found out that the govt. ran out of funding (as usual- corruption) and could not continue with the project. I also had a chance to do hydrographic studies in Boracay Is.(Panay) One of the resort owners hired the company to figure out what is happening with their natural white sand beach- every year they have been losing tons of sand. I also assisted in setting up the first recompression chamber located in Camp Lapu-lapu, Cebu.

I would love to post several pictures of all the places I worked in the Philippines.

As for the term, Filipino or Filipina, gender-specific terms don't really matter at all, especially in Pilipino Language or dialects, there really is no gender terms equivalent to HE or SHE. Terms such as kuya - brother, ate -sister, tatay -father, nanay- mother are commonly used. As far as English language is concerned, I do make mistakes- such as syntax errors. Just remember- English is my second language. At least I'm not like some of the immigrants in this country who refused to speak English. I find it insulting to take citizenship test, pledge allegiance to this country and refuse to speak the language used in this country! However I do understand bigotry/racism still exists in this country. Can't do much about that attitude, except that people who exhibit such discrimination should be careful not to hurt other people's feelings, especially when that person is not doing any harm to the society.

Beside, I'm not interested in romantically getting involved with Cristobalito, so no need to worry! Was just always happy to meet people in Missouri after all they said Missourians are nice folks, or am I wrong with my presumption?

who asked?

Don't sweat it nelson, we're just picking at you in good fun. You seem like a good sport. LOL

I noticed men tend to gang up on women. Nothing unusual-pick on the "weaker" sex, I suppose! I had three incidents when I set up three websites - one to fight a mining company next to our property in St. Lucie (residential). The neighborhood asked us to help out. Then I set up another website to fight FPL's coal-fired power plant next to residential houses. Then another for USACE- they want to mine the sandy shoals off St. Lucie County to transfer it to Miami-Dade shoreline...their reason, no more sand to mine in Miami-Dade!. All got defeated. It was great to get the neighborhood and community organizations together, including County Commissioners to join in the cause. But it also made me a target in the forum. Two guys ganged up on me, after losing the online forum posting. They felt threatened and in a way insulted by my sarcasm. And they became the laughing stock in the forum. Hey, I only give them their own medicine! Next thing, they started following me all over the place, where I live, etc. I reported them to the police for stalking. At least that stopped them. The website was also discontinued by the owner--too many rude remarks from the two guys!

I like argumentation and debate, yeah! I can be a good sport too-that's why people pick on me, or perhaps, an easy target? LOL. But I rarely back down when it comes to teasing and people picking on me! There's a good reason why I was nicknamed NASTY NELLY! Beside, I'd rather do sex teasing, than engage in word fights!

Cristobalito, no insult intended on you!

BTW shopstar. I have friends who are commercial/professional divers- working offshore @Indian Sea as welders.Since the pay is really good, I once asked them if I can train as one to do welding and underwater job, but they said, women tend to not get hired, too many issues. Is this true? I've worked with guys laying down pipes, digging into solid/hard rock bed and I never really had any problems working with them.

well dang nelson,im sorry you feel your being picked on,or ganged up on,your not being attacked,...i meant no offense,guys just kind of spur each other on sometimes,you know what i mean?i hope nothing i said was offensive or demeaning to you...for all your trying to "be one of the guys" your kind of sensitive,but thats ok,your not a guy,lol.

you sound very accomplished,i can kind of see why you have your hangups about receiving from others,in the form of man asking you out and paying for the meal,its understandable that your pride would object to that now that youve shared some of your background,...you dont have to always prove yourself to the world though,...but ...im still bafffled about the 6x in a few minutes thing,just cant wrap my mind around it,...when i was 18 i was doing good if it was 6 times in one day,and that was hard work...i just cant imagine....

anyway...were not ganging up on you,weve done the equivalent of "catcalls" and that is complimentary,lol.

anyway...it is natural to be suspicious of others here,especially if they dont webcam,go into chat and say hi now and then,its generally lighthearted conversation there...sometimes its a lot of fun...maybe pamela will put you on the hotseat for a live interview,lol

Nelson, I had the pleasure of working in China with female Divers and wished I had them on all the projects I worked after that. They were a true joy to work with. And accomplished everything a man could do. I'd hire them anytime and left their pics on my profile. Pam did put me on the "Hotseat", and I bought a cam. LOL Best thing I ever did actually. I bungie jumped in Thailand, went to Nepal and went to base camp, (not enough time to go further) and swam with sharks among other lesser accomplishments. She opened my eyes at this late Martian age. And I thank her for that. And again, no personal feelings on my comments. Welcome to mingles, where I've found, you can truely be your self!

Adam,

You're fine. I don't find your comments here to be offensive. Just want to clarify things, as I noticed, as somebody posted, that it did not make sense! I do find some people to have rough, insensitive,uncouth attitude toward other people's feelings.

The only thing I hope is when I fight back with sarcasm, that whoever it is,will accept the fact that they might get their own "attitude" problem back!

I do enjoy writing and communicating--my only way to practice English, make sure I don't forget to use it! It is kind of tough to talk to dogs all the time-- However, I've already perfected the barking/growling.

Six time is really not that hard. You have to have a willing mind--make sure you find the woman/man you deeply love and attracted too. Shower, make yourself really clean, smelling fresh, brush your teeth and gargle.Set up the atmosphere of romance in the bedroom. Beard and mustache should smell completely fresh and clean.Clean the room and change the bedsheets. Women should also douche so it does not have any smell. Dress sexy and provocatively,do a lap dance if you can. Make sure you have ample supply of lotion-- esp. the ones that gives you sensual feelings/stimulation (experiment on different lubrication). Keep it hard all the time, and if it gets soft, work on it some more, slowly but firm, especially on the tip or sensitive area, if you have to use both hands, do it!Imagine, you're giving pleasure to yourself. Keep it tight and well-lubricated. You could practice masturbation to figure out what pleases you and tell your partner. I think this goes both ways -men and women. I'm not embarrassed or don't feel awkward to share this info at all! I've done it twice and it does work. When the person reach climax, do not stop the stimulation, or else it will end abruptly. Technique will definitely give anybody pleasure. Of course the person cannot feel inhibited or restrained when it comes to sex, each individual has to be completely open to the idea or else it will not work at all! Also the person has to have the desire to give pleasure and forget their own.

Cleanliness/smelling good is one of the best way to keep it going. There is nothing worse than getting kissed by someone with a bad breath, stinky armpits, and smelly, untrimmed beard and mustache! But I could be wrong, some people like to smell perspiration or other body odor. So it depends!

Of course, I have limited experience and any suggestions are welcome. Whatever the intentions - learn about opposite sex, have fun, find that one and only, make a relationship work in the long run - being open about your feelings,sex, caring, understanding and of course financial stability will make a relationship work.

blimey, that was just tmi, lol.

I feel like nelson is really good at internet dating and probaly lacking in real life. Someone who speaks their mind that well in writing sometimes have problems speaking. haha its the opposite for me. I do agree with most of her input.

I'm considering getting a degree as sexual therapist! Does it pay well? LOL, Discgolfguy, you're missing something really bad! I was told somewhere in life through reincarnation, I had or will have the men's sexual organ! Now, that would be exciting!

Another tip, when a guy has attitude problem toward sex and women, they usually have small thing in between their legs or not good in bed!

I wish I could speak that fluently! But reading the entire dictionary really helped me when it comes to writing.

Yeah, my parents told me I should have been a boy and my brother the girl, as I act and work like guys! I think somewhere along the line, my parents put the wrong genes!Kidding aside, two girls asked me to marry them --a cute, sexy divorced trainer working at Bally fitness (her husband was a lazy bum) and one at the funeral (her husband is selfish when it comes to sex).

Am I turning lesbian now? OMG, where can I find a sex therapist?

Katie, If you are not wanting to be with a man that is preoccupied with sex, then date an older man that can't get it up anymore. That will solve the problem.

"Another tip, when a guy has attitude problem toward sex and women, they usually have small thing in between their legs..."

You probably won't mind when he makes a lane change while doing doggy then.

Guys what you think about ass ****ing?)

Better question... what do you think about it?

Katie, perhaps it's not so much finding a guy who isn't preoccupied with sex but places it in the same framework of respect that you do.

With 4 kids around I can't see it happening much anyway but we all have our dreams. lol

"Most men do it because it works."

Did he say.....DO IT?

That was cool

lol

Hey we have to capitalize on our strong points! :P

"So why is that? Is it because they stop thinking about how exciting it is to be with her and just figure they'll fill whatever free time they might have?"

We guys were wonderin the same thing about you women.

Well not really, we're too busy thinking about sex, that is until we move in together.

then it's once a week cuzz cable sports channels' IN DAH HOUSE baby lol

Ever think that interest should go both ways?

Or it's a sign that the end is near.

"Just a question. Is it a common trait for men to be selfish and egocentric when it comes to relationship and sex. What matters to them is themselves and nothing but themselves alone!"

Having been a fishing guide for many years a lot of guys talk during the 8 hours on a boat. There are a certain number of guys who are selfish people. But I don't think the percentage is any more than women.

My question: What's up? lol.

The day I took control of my own orgasm was the day I began to have awesome sex! Why shouldnt we feed and nurture our sexual desires? We feed and nurture our partner in everyday life situations, why should sex be the exception? So often we tend to play the blame gamewe try to fix blame for our inadequate sex lives on anyone or thing except ourselves, when in my humble opinion we have no one to blame but our self. I believe we should all be preoccupied with sex. After all, sex is an important part of a relationship. Sex shouldnt be boring or become stagnant the longer we are together it should grow, change and get better the longer we are together. If we are not willing to be open and express our desires, wants and needs how is he/she to know? ...btw Im new to mingles and dont mean to offend any one, just putting in my 2 cents and saying hi to everyone. From the posts Ive read seems like a wonderful group of people.

You took control of your orgasm? Thank God! Having an orgasm running around the neighborhood wreaking havoc could get you in trouble. Welcome to mingles truelady...

Keep it on a short leash.

rickster, you should have seen the neighbors faces...lol

tck, a leash? I don't think so...now handcuffs, that's a possibility

my question...........would any of you guys go into a neighborhood corner store and buy nothing but a box of tampons and carry them out without a bag????

"After all, sex is an important part of a relationship."

It is? So on a scale of 1- 10 with only 10 items on the list where does it rank?

OK so Jeff52649 who so kindly opened this dang post needs smacked. SEE WHAT U STARTED!! and still doesn't have the gall to respond to any of it! OMG you guys crack me up and raven u need to stay under ur perch u type too damn much for just a simple post. I totally lost interest of the convo when i had to read FOREVER! lol Have fun with it!

Oh and guess what.... We women are FAR from innocent on ANY of the above mentioned :P