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What do you when you're in a relationship for 14 years. And you find out he's been cheating on you???
jayshawn (this topic's creator)10/26/2008 8:37:11 PM
Member since 10/26/2008 5:54:41 PM
( new topic )
mlady_calgary 10/26/2008 9:04:49 PM
Posts: 159
Member since 10/23/2008 12:13:04 AM
You should start off by speaking with a marriage counselor. Although it is very hard to restore trust it is not impossible. Although it hurts, people can heal and recover from very difficult times. However, it takes two willing people who will be honest with themselves and with each other to look at how much love they have for each other and to weigh out together the things that are at stake and the amount that both have invested into the relationship. Good luck with it and pray for help.
biker_44 10/26/2008 9:31:05 PM
Posts: 1067
Member since 11/5/1998
leave
Cristobalito 10/26/2008 11:25:36 PM
Posts: 11920
Member since 12/13/2001
...removed by the topic creator ( jayshawn ) on Oct 27 2008 6:31PM.
Firewalker 10/26/2008 11:30:22 PM
Posts: 363
Member since 12/2/1998
"BONK BONK! ON THE HEAD!"
... c'mon - google it. It's funny. A little levity here, eh?
Mafiaqueenisback 10/27/2008 12:10:40 AM
Posts: 152
Member since 7/4/2008 9:00:35 PM
I agree with Biker. Leave.
Been there and tried the counseler thing. Didn't work. Plus, I know several people who tried to work through it for the sake of the marriage/children. Even years later, they still slit up because of the effect it had.
I'm so sorry this happen to you. I know how bad it hurts. I've been there more than once.
Be strong. And all my best to you. Feel free to e-mail me if you want more support. misssteciuk38@yahoo.com ((hugs))
biker_44 10/27/2008 7:22:24 AM
Posts: 1067
Member since 11/5/1998
hey mafia! you have a good heart.
tck_beachbum 10/27/2008 8:21:46 AM
Posts: 15025
Member since 7/5/2002
"Why make one man so miserable when you can make so many men so happy?"
(Agree to have an 'open relationship' where you each have sex with other people.)
WebcamMostie 10/27/2008 9:01:32 AM
Posts: 1506
Member since 6/5/2002
I knew someone once who was with a guy for 14 years...had kids before she met him, and had a couple more with him- he was very controlling, to the point that they lived way out in the country, and when he would leave for work he would lock the closet door and leave her in her robe so she couldn't go anywhere- (it was an old house, apparently you could lock the closet...weird)---She was very pretty, but VERY dependent- this girl didn't even know how to drive, it was just...odd- anyway, he turned around and left her- after 14 years- for a 20 year old girl he had been seeing for 2 years (they were in their late 30's at this time, I think)-to my knowledge, she had no clue what he had been up to- I say good riddance, we tried to get her to do something long before that, because the guy used to knock her around a lot-
shopstar 10/27/2008 10:14:13 AM
Posts: 2097
Member since 8/6/2008 12:49:03 AM
Shoot him. Better to shoot him once than a different woman every week. Just kidding. Leave him! A marraige counseler will just get your money and he won't change. He's had a taste of the forbidden fruit! And you won't get over it. It's betrayal at it's worst.
CaptainCorelli 10/27/2008 10:28:03 AM
Posts: 3498
Member since 2/22/2006
I think that while there may be exceptions where sometimes people seem to work out the problems that caused the affair, the trust never really comes back. The truth is, some people cheat even when there IS no problems, at least not really. Every couple will have bumps in the road even when they're perfect for each other, and then again some couples just don't belong together at all. Life isn't perfect though, and some just have the "grass is greener" syndrome.
I don't believe a person should stay in a horrible relationship just because their family pressures them to do so, and I don't think a person should remain miserable their whole life just because they made a bad choice when they were young, but I don't think cheating solves any problems. It's best to make sure you want the relationship to end, and then end it, before looking outside for other answers. The thing of it is, if you do take him back, and even if things get better for years, you may be asking yourself the same question 5 years from now, and dealing with the pain and insecurities all over again. Sometimes a lot of pain now is better than a lifetime of smaller pains over and over and over again. Divorce is hard, but trust me...a lifetime of misery and mistrust is worse.
Missourian 10/27/2008 10:59:52 AM
Posts: 219
Member since 7/17/2002
We certainly cant provide advice on that front based on 2 sentences from you. The truth of the matter is that you got into the relationship; only you can decide what to do now that you are there, and whether or not to stay. I mean, we could steal a line from Dan Savage and say Dump The Mother Fu**er Already, but would that really help? You have to decide if its worth working on the relationship or whether its time to get the heck out. There are plenty of resources out there for you to locate that will help you to deal with this.
spart 10/27/2008 6:14:21 PM
Posts: 2283
Member since 6/24/2001
Seduce his gf.
Keerok 10/27/2008 6:46:10 PM
Posts: 5195
Member since 10/1/2000
If you really think the relationship can be saved and is worth saving, take Mlady Calgary's advice.
If you don't, take Biker's advice.
And there's always Spart's option.
tck_beachbum 10/27/2008 8:17:50 PM
Posts: 15025
Member since 7/5/2002
"What do you when you're in a relationship for 14 years. And you find out he's been cheating on you???"
Keep the relationship together, suggest a three-some.
WmPhenn 10/29/2008 8:43:40 PM
Posts: 1
Member since 1/22/2007
Staying together for the sake of the kids or any other useless reason is foolish! The kids will be basket cases by the time you finish counseling....End it! Fast and Furious!
Don't prolong the agony!
smithaj56 10/31/2008 2:09:25 PM
Posts: 2
Member since 10/28/2008 10:46:58 AM
Did he apologize/seem remourseful? if so, then you might have a chance with a counselor but this will take a lot of hard work to heal. IMHO
lafayettelove 10/31/2008 5:46:21 PM
Posts: 9
Member since 10/30/2008 10:33:35 AM
14yrs is a long yrs, may be they should seperate for a while,
then see what really binds.
then may be take the next dicision
lafayettelove 10/31/2008 5:54:16 PM
Posts: 9
Member since 10/30/2008 10:33:35 AM
why was he cheating? i think that should be critical, may be he doesnt find her atractive, or may be he's his hormone is causing the problem.
biker_44 10/31/2008 7:43:50 PM
Posts: 1067
Member since 11/5/1998
Make yourself happy. Life is to short to be miserable.
Search even deeper... who are you looking for exactly?
