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Ada began life just as everyone else. Pushed out of the only comfort zone she would ever have,smacked on the ass to make her cry,held upside down,wiped clean,bundled in a generic hospital blanket and taken to her dysfunctional parents. Her life went downhill from that first breath and she would realize in just a few years that most people should have to pass a strenuous exam before becoming parents. The word family often made Ada laugh hysterically ,she felt no more a part of them than they made her feel welcomed to life. She had never been pretty enough,smart enough,tall enough,skinny enough for anyone in her family. At age 16,following the daily belittling from her mother, she shreeked " why didn't you just kill me when I was born instead of telling me all this shit everyday ? Damn, Mama ! I'd rather be dead than hear how I aint what you had in mind for a daughter". The next thing she remembered was waking up on the kitchen floor, her left jaw throbbing.

" Get up out of the floor before your Daddy comes home from work,he don't need to have to step over your sorry ass,now move it !!! ". Ada staggered to her bedroom,looked at her jaw in the mirror and shrugged her shoulders at yet another bruise. Having something you could see did not matter to her. The deepest wounds and scars were inside,obliterating what some might call a soul.

Her Mama worked a full time job in a cotton mill, that was 8 hours Ada could breathe freely. Daddy had never been a problem to her other than he always sided with Mama. Sometimes the roar of Mama yelling at him made Ada caused her to vomit into the trashcan at her bedside. " Dammit, I wish she'd just shut the Hell up", was the only though she ever had during Mama's rantings. Had Mama known she was even thinking a bad word,that would have surely led to another brow beating,jaw jacking episode. All Ada thought about was getting out,going somwhere else, even going to Hell itself looked good. Her Mama was a Baptist Bible Thumper ane even God knew about those people. Dragged to church 3 times a week, Ada frequently wished there was a Savior. Someone to save her from the wrath she felt every second she drew a breath. During one particular revival,the visiting Evangelist was screaming about "the love a God who gave his only son for everyone to be saved from HEll,how Jesus loves us all,make your personal decision to live for Christ tonight,right here, right now". The congregation was tearful,they knew they were not living for this Christ man. They knew they were way short of the glory of God,way short of being able to call themselves Christians. Then that minister just had to ask " how many of you WANT to go to Hell?" Ada,with her head bowed thought " go to Hell? I'm already in Hell". No one raised their hands of course to volunteer for the trip to Hell. Then he just had to ask " how many of you want to see the glory of heaven ?". Hands sprung up quickly from the tearful church members. Ada looked around was not surprized to see Mama's hand raised high. "ha", she thought, " I may need more time to think about going to heaven if that bitch is going to be there". But she felt Mama's knuckles on her head her right wrist grabbed angrily by Mama and her whole arm raised up,evidently because Mama didn't want anyone to believe HER child wanted to go to Hell. She was dragged to the altar by Mama and thrust into the arms of the evangelist. Mama told him Ada had made the decision to live for Christ and was professing her faith,needed immediate Baptism. Ada just locked eyes with the evangelist and calmly stated in her best church whisper " i just want to go home " the Evangelist announced to the congregation, " this here child is ready to be in the arms of Christ,she says she wants to go home. Let's all praise the Lord in song " . The church walls vibrated with the off key rendering of "just as I am, without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me" . Blood shed. Ada knew a lot about blood shed. She thought of how good it would feel just to put a knife in her own heart, pouring blood all over Mama's house. She also knew that if she ever managed to gain the courage to sever a major blood vessel in Mama's house the blood loss would not kill her, Mama would beat her to death. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Nothing made sense to Ada, nothing at all.

The humidity of any given July day in North Carolina could strangle a tadpole. Ada often wondered how Southern women wore all those clothes 100 years ago and actually cooked on a wood stove. "No wonder they had the vapors so frequently", she randomly thought as she moved in front of the box window fan. No time for the luxury of enjoying a breeze and perusing history for answers, there was work that HAD to be done. Where did she need to start? The floor had been swept and mopped ,the furniture had been dusted, the clothes had been washed and hung on the clothesline. The garden needed to be weeded,again,so she gathered the hoes and rakes to begin the daily weeding according to Mama's standards. Bugs and dust flurried around her, and her skin,wet with perspiration gathered dust which soon became mud. Taking a brief moment to scratch bug bites on her legs,a gun shot frightened her, and she fell back on her rump,crushing a yellow squash plant. " those damn boys,I get so sick of them shooting animals all the time. If there is a heaven and a Hell,I hope they go to the part of Hell where they get shot at everyday by a demonic dog. Assholes " . She stood up and glanced at the damage she had caused to the squash. " gonna get my tail tore up over.." the thought was interrupted by screams of horror and grief. Involuntarily her heart began to race as she ran to yard's edge to see whatever commotion she could see.

" I bet Brill shot old man Hunt's dog,Lucy...". The body was lying in Brill's front yard and it wasn't canine,it was Brill and his mama was holding him rocking back and forth, looking up to the sky, asking whomever might be there " why, Brill,why baby,oh God why did you take my baby from me,why God,why ?" Ada walked fast in that direction,but old man Hunt motioned for her to go away,and she did, always the mindful child.

day 4 of writers block...dang

Ada's body was experiencing thunderous heaves of emotion. Not Brill, why Brill ?

Her rib cage became tender from her internal and external cries for her friend. She ran into the house to wash her face, no amount of water could wash away her grief,nor could anything wash away her questions regarding his death on this day. " wasn't supposed to happen until we were 100 years old Brill ". She parted the living room curtains to catch one last glimpse of her friend lying lifeless on the parched grass. Falling to her knees, Ada continued to grieve with tears and wails that could only be expressed for another hour,Mama was due to come home from work and she dared not be crying then or else she would feel the wrath of her Mama's fist,open hand,or foot across any given part of her body.

There was only anger in her house. No one dared laugh or cry. Damn, Brill. Why you? Why not me? What's the point of living if you're not living ? He had left her behind. Her only friend has deserted to know the sweetness of something or nothing, he would never wipe her tears with his shirttail again, he would never make her smile again with a corny joke, he would never help her climb the corner oak tree again to share dreams of an illustrious future. Damn you, Brill. Her questions of what and why were replaced by curses of his having left her behind. Damn asshole. Damn you,Brill.

Mama entered the back door screaming as usual. " Ada !!!! Where the Hell are you? "

" I'm in the living room, Mama ! " she exclaimed as she jumped us from the floor where she had crumpled in grief.

" Hear about Brill? His sorry ass is dead. shot hisself,well he's going to rot in hell, I'm sure you'll see him there when you die, both of you aint never been worth a thistle since you was born ". Ada's cries began heaving her body again, every fiber of her being shook with her Mama's words.

The breeze of a soft drink bottle being thrown at her head made Ada stop crying long enough to realize she was just about tired of being a body with breath in the household.

From deep within the darkest part of her soul,she gained the courage she had always needed,yet never found until this moment. With one fell swoop, Ada retrieved the soda bottle and threw it back in Mama's direction,fully meaning to miss her,yet wanting the bottle to mysteriously change direction and make contact with her head. The sheet rock above Mama's head was dented all to pieces,yet was nothing compared to the dents Ada would received on her body. She never felt the fists pounding her, she never felt the candlestick on her back. Without Brill,she would never feel anything,never, ever,ever again.