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Is the truth perhaps that the perfect human being does NOT exist?

What is perfection? No one is perfect? So many people still express that they want that perfect someone when perfection is a quality that can only be perceived but never truly exist. The word Perfection seems to point to something that is a constant, perpetually the same, never changing. It will never be anything other than what it is, it has attained its perfect form, it cannot grow anymore, it has fulfilled its goal, it has nothing more to achieve. Obviously no living human being can be described as perfect as we are forever changing (and if were not, then youre either 6 feet underground or stuffed). I first thought that perhaps only a dead person could be said to be perfect but as it is, not even a dead person is perfect. A corpse also evolves, into dust in the end.

Human beings are, hopefully, always growing, learning, changing and becoming more than they were the day before. If not, it usually means that perhaps an illness of the mind or severe ignorance (such as strongly prejudiced people, racists, hard-line right-wingers (or is that just a prejudice of my own? /smiles) and other possessors of hateful views) is what is stopping a person from developing into their full potential. And no one in their right mind would call such people perfect which strikes them off the list of potentially perfect people anyway. But they could be perfect for someone who wanted just that and perhaps shared their views and prejudices This leads to an interesting thought. Nazis considered their race perfect. They had an ideal which they described as the development of a perfect race, nay, a master race. There are still people, believe it or not, who share those ideals today, even though they are far fewer and find it more difficult to garner support for their beliefs (thank God! /smiles).

The point Im trying to make with this last argument is that the fictitious ideal of perfection seems to vary wildly depending on whom one might ask. The differences in culture, nationalities, religions and other self-chosen boundaries dictate different ideas, and ideals, of perfection. The conclusion to draw seems to be that, not only is no human being perfect, but that non-existing ideal of perfection cannot even be agreed upon by different human beings, making its existence even less real.

Anyhow now that we can rule out perfection, what is left?

H_W is perfect

We had a contest and he beat me fair and square

(he beat me in the 'Modesty' category - but it was close)

I guess all my thoughts have been proven wrong then Cristo.../smiles. Because I too have to confess that, after viewing H_W, I reluctantly have to confess that H_W looks perfect...but looks can be deceiving, no?

Perfection..ooh hell no, I am all messed up that is what makes me great but single too! LOL

I found the perfect woman once, but things didn't work out between us -

she was looking for the perfect man!

Thanks for both of your postings, Cristo and Flower...I appreciate it!

So then...how about part 2...

PART 2

If we can rule out perfection, what is left?

Something thats perfect just for me? Does that sentiment hold water? What if what we think of as perfect today actually changes tomorrow? You listen to a new song and its the best song ever, its perfectuntil you hear a new song next month or year that turns out to be even better. A small example of this is when people fall in love initially, or just happen to like something about someone strongly when they first meet (or worse yet, if they like you while youre both communicating online but not when you meet in person, in realityperhaps youre too pale, too dark or plain smell bad /smiles) only to feel differently a short while later. Is this perhaps a matter of not having taken the time to get to know someone properly?

In other areas, many young girls are even getting pregnant extremely early (and the silly boys who help), well before they even know what they like in a more permanent and stronger sense, and end up with children who will perhaps never know their real father and be lucky if they get a good man in their life to love themit will never be the quite good for the children though, who stand to lose out as well. All because the girl and boy followed their urges rather than senseand may most likely also not had any good guidance from parentssign of the times maybe? Depressing either way, Im sure youll agree. Things seem to have become more about damage limitation rather than damage avoidance in the first place.

The simple fact that these youngsters are not paying any heed to, nor the message getting through to them if anyone is speaking it, is that, as human beings are always growing (if youre lucky /smiles), what you think of as great today may not seem as good tomorrow. This is something most of us can understand, it happens all the time. Were not into the same music, bands, taste, food and so on forever. These things change. This is part of our natureperhaps there is good cause for patience then?

But what of a partner? What if someone you like today, you grow to hate tomorrow? Well, in such sad and extreme cases there is of course a solution, painful and difficult as it may bea divorce.

What is of more interest to us however, are the milder cases which are more abundant and common. It can happen, and often does happen, to most of us at some point. This would be a relationship where you might not feel the same way about someone that you initially loved deeply. If youre lucky, and if we are to believe many older coupleswell, maybe many of them are lying because they dont want to accept that they actually arent as happy as theyre making it seem. Just so they dont have to confess that their years together arent the success that they had hoped forthat they wasted their lives remaining together when they should have divorced but just didnt have the courage to do itIm sure there are such examplesand Im sure that, for those of us who find ourselves alone and longing for love, we might secretly hope that this is the case, in our own mild despairing (as long as we can come out of our despair and to our senses eventuallyI guess we have to be mindful of the permanently despairing mindset that can lead to bitterness and personal destructionperhaps lessening our chances at happiness as a consequence).

To use the more positive examples which no doubt, logically speaking, must also exist; the couples who have lived together for many years simply because of love and been lucky enough to have found the right partner early on. If you are to believe them, it seems that you can love your partner more than you did the day that you met.

Maybe thats why it can be okay to start out on the wrong footit can only get better! Now thats an idea. Next time, puke on your first date, spill spaghetti on top of your girlfriend, tell her you love her a@@...that last oneI think many guys on this site are already doinghey girlsmaybe your perfect match is hiding behind that initially shallow and rudely spoken maleignore his initial rudeness and Neanderthal signs, and give him a chance next time /hahaha (for all of those that might think Im serious, please dont do this - follow your first instinct ladiesits probably rightand if not, at least you wont have had to put up with a guy who might very possibly end up describing you in the same colourful and flattering manner to his friends).

Anyhow, jokes aside, this still seems to point to the fact that, while imperfection might not be the characteristic we should set out to requireat least NOT looking for perfection might make it easier to deal with the whole issue of relationships realisticallymaybe? Perhaps that makes perfect sense. Consider after all, negative times negative equals positive/smiles. By the same token, perhaps imperfection combined with imperfection equals perfectionbut since perfection doesnt actually existor does it? If we have imperfection, then surely we must have perfection? Or is perfection the ever elusive ideal that can never be realised but is only ever to be aspired to?

Is this why they saythe more you find out, the less you end up knowingyou end up with more questions at the end than at the beginning (aaargh ;-).

Perfection isnt the goalbut maybe good enough or more than good enough is the thing were really talking about?

Perhaps replacing the words altogether might give us a better understanding? Instead of perfection and imperfection I want to use the words strengths and weaknessesbecause my weaknesses might be counterbalanced by a womans strengthsand perhaps her weaknesses could be counterbalanced by my strengthsand voila, we might actually have a perfect, or shall I say good enough balance of personality and relationship.

Is this the answer? Im not sure actuallylike I said, there seems to be more questions than answers at this end of the blog Either way, Id be dearly interested in hearing your opinions. (To be continued.)

Cristo ya old fart Not a one exist, trully humans wether male or female are as far from perfect as the sun is from this damned planet. Human's will never be perfect cuz perfection is but an illusion that mankind will forever strive to be without success.

I used to say "no such thing as a 10" either. But I dated a chick and her sister in college once, that together, came pretty damn close to both. Perfect and a 10. Ahhh, youth!

2 girls, both 5's add up to a 10?

Cristo, is perfectly correct.

Any man who enjoys a good single malt is one to listen to.

Wow! Well written Raven. Some time ago I somewhat had a from-a-distance association with a man who was viewed as very "successful" and who held a high ranking position amongst those who he worked with. In choosing his closest associates he said that he listed his weaknesses and found others who had mastered, or rather who were strong in the areas of his weakness. Hmmm... interesting approach.

I read once... perfection is doing the best you can do. I have thought a lot about that simple statement. It is not so simple, is it? As one sets out to do one's best, the realization is ever present of how much better more one can be with further learning. So the evolving begins but it just never ends... how one can learn the best they have power to learn and ever feel like they have arrived to the end of learning?

This forum reminds me of a quote from Albert Einstein,

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

Great posts Raven! "If we can rule out perfection, what is left?" I would say that the ever-changing fluidity of life is what there is. Flaws and imperfections are what make everything interesting about living life.

By the way, my grandparents are one of those couples who have been married and together for a very long time (50+ years!) and my grandmother has told me that they aren't always happy together. They've just gotten to a point where they understand each other better than most people and overlook the negatives or say something before the negatives turn into a big deal. Oh, and they take trips seperately sometimes for some breathing room.

Thank you, mlady and nrokinu. Seems my thought of the benefit of posting my thoughts (whew...too many thoughts ;-) has paid off. Those were some great points you both made and I'm indebted to you for it.

Mlady...you confirmed some of my thoughts, through the example of the man surrounded by complementary strengths and counterbalancing his own weaknesses.

"I read once... perfection is doing the best you can do." Quoting you, this makes me wonder about the constant evolution of a human being...there is constant movement and how can the love remain? Well, short answer, I think, is that it doesn't. It is also either evolving or dissolving...and as long as it is evolving I guess it's a wonderful thing. This makes perfect sense as the only things among mammals and other species that are static are dead. Things are either in a state of growth or reduction/decay, a sort of anti-development if you will (Im tempted to use the words anabolic and catabolic here even though they relate to the internal processes of the body, its metabolism and such). Our emotions dont stand still, we might think we feel the same way about something from one moment to another but we dont. And love certainly doesnt stand still . . . but that is just a wonderful thought to me /smiles.

Joint experiences and closeness...kind of like a pack, with associated characteristics of love, loyalty, honesty, protection (this goes both ways because I believe women have an incredible ability to be protective...perhaps far more than men...they can be mothers after all), safety, tenderness, care, sensuous sharing as well as sharing of everything, a sexual connection of course, mutual support and working together to solve and resolve anything coming in your way . . . when this happens over one of the most important factors: TIME. We can have a growth of our feelings and all associated aspects . . . growth of our connection, our pack, our mental and spiritual lives (and a million things I havent mentioned or even know about at this stage . . . but as long as I live and learn /smile@myself and my cooky brain).

How can we attain this? Well, like you said, . . . doing the best you can do. Even though that may not always be enough . . . but as long as you honestly tried . . .

This seems to make sense anyway . . . yet it has to happen JOINTLY. Any relationship, as I think everyone here knows, cannot go forward through the efforts of one half . . . an engine running at half-power will take twice the time to reach any goals . . . if at all. Hence no success can be had through one party alone. Although . . . at times we may need to rely on one part of the whole . . . what happens when one person carries a greater load of bad experiences and perhaps set patterns that may be counterproductive to a relationship. Mark the fact that Im under no illusion that there is any person without some baggage. What Im trying to address here is the issue of excess baggage plus personal characteristics coupled with an inability to handle them constructively. Help is required I guess . . . ? Professional or just a lot of love? Depends on the damage I guess . . .

There are people who have been abused from an early age and these things along with other traits developed can make it nigh on impossible to have a fruitful or deep enough relationship. A nightmare situation would be two people who are damaged but never address the issues (perhaps not even aware of them) and yet, because both of them have them, do not realise how dysfunctional their relationship is, and that they will never attain the depths of internal and external liberation, not to mention true peace (also ever-changing thank The Great Spirit), which can come with a great, NOT perfect, relationship. At least if you are to believe the sages of timelessness (that is, those that spoke truths that are timeless) . . .

There are examples of one patient partner supporting the other through their problems . . . and in any relationship the role of supporter will probably switch at different times because we all need a bit of support (not to say a lot! Its hard to be a human being at the best of times). But Im also speaking of severe issues. Relationships can be saved though actions of this nature on account of one partner. At the source of it lies a lot of love I guess . . . but also courage, love requires it (/sigh), and an ability or talent to see through, to read deeper (something I myself am not good at as I tend to take everything someone says as their honest and straight feelings . . . but there is often more beneath, which requires a second look at least and a lot of honest questions and perhaps the already mentioned ability or talent at deeper understanding . . . man, give me kids and animals any day, I can communicate with them without issues, grown ups are too complicated in these crucial aspects /smiles).

What is becoming clear is the sheer hard work a relationship is. Is it any wonder that so many relationships fail? Just look at the facts . . . we need to know ourselves and what we want, communicate it honestly, despite any fears of being rejected or ridiculed. Then we have to be strong about it and not let our urges run away with us (mmm . . . women . . . their lovely soft bodies . . . sheer beauty . . . granted simply by right of birth . . . gossamer beings . . . velvet skin and silky hair and beautiful eyes that hypnotize . . . I saw you as we walked past, I fell a million miles to the ground beneath my feet . . . and never felt its hard, cold earth against my face . . . one look and I was doomed to dream of you for the rest of my life . . . uh, where was I?) . . . and this is only the beginning. We then have to get to know the potential partner . . . how frustrating that we all often want similar things, the characteristics I mentioned above about the pack and protection; and yet it can take a multitude of shapes, forms and varieties as human beings are so complex. IT IS A UNIVERSE . . . to learn about . . . to explore . . . and I have a distinct feeling that there is not enough time. Is it not a wonder that people actually do find an ideal partner? Kind of like the doctor said, the fact that so little goes wrong with the heart when the potential for malfunction is so great, is a miracle.

I guess love is a miracle too . . . true love . . . not just our ability to feel it, which is a miracle too, and as we all do, all humans are related after all, thats a fact (sort of /smiles). But the requited love, feelings that are returned and together set you soaring, so much of life can be helped and enjoyed further . . . not least between the sheets /wry smile.

Has anyone ever thought of how the brain is aware of being hugged even when the body is asleep? What must that do for ones soul . . . to be held in love at night . . . like two lambs asleep next to each other, gaining warmth and comfort. It is a thought to stir the heart and tear the eyes /sigh. Yes, love is a miracle for sure. Just getting there half-way is a miracle /smiles. No wonder that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But the pain . . . is enough for many of us to retreat completely and never give of our hearts again . . . what a loss. And I say this to myself more than anything /smiles.

Be well all of you, and thank you for posting. This subject is in-exhaustible methinks . . . but the best, most sincere and clear thought I have here is that love is a miracle.

No Ron, each on their own was a 9 1/2. Beautiful, Intellegent, Educated, Rich Daddy. Their Mother loved me, never met their Dad. Both married, one's an ivestment banker in Atlanta and the other a homemaker in Spartenburg S.C., Met with them and spouses in 89 at Clemson for a Stone's concert in the "Devil's Bowl". But the both of them together didn't equal a 10. (Maybe if triplets, LOL) Woman are from Venus and men are from Mars! People should not waste their time looking for the perfect Woman or Man. ind the one who is Perfect for you. 33 years here and counting. Nothing easy about it. But it's worth the effort. Divorce is the easy way.

Yes Shopstar marriage is work... but divorce is hell! (Nothing easy about it for anyone involved!)

I was married for 29 years before I landed in hell and so I know both sides of this coin. Depending upon the marriage and how much was "invested" so often determines how much loss and grief divorce brings. To some, divorce is a piece of heaven and to others; it is a place of hell. It takes two people to succeed in a relationship and often it takes two to destroy it, but sometimes it only takes one to bring destruction to the relationship. It only takes one to decide to give up and walk away leaving the other to suffer through the devastation on their own... alone. One of the greatest evils that exist is for a loved one to betray the love given and shared... why? I would say because one can't just stop loving someone the moment that the betrayal occurs. Yet, time requires the pain to give up something... at some point in order to live and live well... to feel at peace again. Love is such a dangerous thing because it is something that is never planned yet it is the very thing that has the power to bring the greatest hurt. Hurt produces all manner of reactions including anger. So one flips the coin of love and what is on the other side... hatred? This cannot be because we cannot find peace in hatred. So what is one to do? You can try denying the love you feel by replacing it with anger... but what is that? Is it not just another sign of the love that once existed? So, one is left with the injury caused by love and left to live with it and to heal from it. Hmmm... no easy road there.

What about the person who does not want to live in anger? They learn about the hell in the reality that one may not be able to just stop loving someone they once loved. They may learn they have to accept the pain and forgive and heal and carry on with love... not the same love... a changed existence of it. Not the romantic in-love starry eyed feeling kind... I mean a genuine love. Hmmm... no easy road there.

A genuine love is the most powerful thing that ever existed or ever will exist... it is the fuel and power that has motivated the greatest and worst things to occur in this world. It isn't to be fooled with or to think that one will ever understand its force and ability and power. It is the ultimate of all things. No, divorce is not easy. It is hell for some yet heaven for others... depending upon the relationship that once existed. Hmmm... no easy road there.

An amazing part about humans is that we have the ability to love again and again and again. That is a miracle and very unexplainable. A parent can understand this that has more than one child... the love just seems to be there when the time arrives and a new life occurs... nothing less for the second or third child than that which was felt for the first. A parent can have many children and love them equally yet differently. So it is with relationships between partners. In time, when it is right... the love just seems to be there... again, and again... sometimes equally yet very differently. Do we really unlove someone that we once loved? Or do we learn to accept life and move on and love again? Whatever it is that we do... it is not easy!

Perfection is a matter of tolerances. Example.. You may take a ruler and draw a square that is 6" x 6". And then say that is a perfect square. It would depend on the acceptable tolerances. Is it exactly 6" x 6" or is it really 6.0021" x 5.9122". The same would hold true with anything in life. Something may seem or feel perfect. Just how much you are willing to tolerate.

just my .02

"Just how much you are willing to tolerate."

Pamela must view me in some semblence of perfect perspective then, lol.

(She continues to tolerate me. )

perfection is a goal to strive for.... and never achieve,.. but keep trying,...

even Star Trek doesn't have perfect people.

I think if you consider having achieved perfection you've made yourself grow stale.

Being utterly perfect means you no longer care about putting your best foot forward or trying hard to be/do your best about anything..and that's a truly sad state to be in.

I don't think any human life is perfect. The grass is always greener where someone else has peed. *shrug* inanimate objects can be deemed perfect but a living breathing thing/person/animal should be carefully tended to always bring about the best results.

Now I'm gonna go sit and say ohhhhmmmmmm for as long as it takes to fall asleep. OH! that's like 5 min. *snigger*

I think it's perfectly acceptable for a kid to say they did their best...tried their hardest, and we should encourage and praise this to let them know how much they are appreciated. Children fall into a lil different category and god help me I'll smack any parent who enforces the "everything you do in life will be no less than perfect' code to their child. It's cruel - telling them that whatever they do, however hard they work and try try try...it will never be enough. Ever see the look on a kid's face when the parent says to the child "that's nice, but you'll do it perfect next time" or scold them for somethin less than perfect? Perfect to me also prattles of a major empty void in one's self. Kids should be encouraged, nurtured and accepted for their creativity. Demanding perfection takes away so many freedoms, it's sad.

I'll stop here. as best I can. personal issues but it's a very passionate subject for me.

Thanks for your comments Slinky...you've raised another important facet of the demand for perfection. To me, this entire subject began because of reading someone's post about wanting "a perfect man" I think...

However, as I said somewhere above, it seems to be an inexhaustible subject and if we consider your point about the demands that some parents put on their children...we have another branch off this subject...it was interesting to read, thanks.

And thank you to everyone else who's posted too, including the funny ones by...guys (who else /wry smile . . . not to say the ladies don't make humourous points but what I really mean is that the guy's are depicting a less than serious viewpoint at times...which is a whole lot fun though I have to say).

Raven, face it... of course they do ("less serious viewpoint" -> less serious = more vunerable. Looking at the subject - it doesn't take much to put the pieces together! LOL

/smiles@mlady...

get ready for part 3...(showing soon...in a cinema near you)

I'm actually continuing this in the 'Friendships and relationships' forum but still posting this one here for continuity...

PART 3

Finding success with love being akin to a miracle, what are our chances at ever finding a good enough relationship?

How do we deal with our searching, our meeting of new people? How many times will we have to do it in order to find the one whom we can work with, whom we can have more good things to share with, rather than troublesome problems that would make a relationship impossible to sustain in the long run (or even short)?

We cant have any illusions, which is why any ideas about perfection have to be discarded. I say this even though a very few individuals have said that they do believe that there can be people who are perfectly matched. This does however still not challenge the thought that no one person is perfect as such. And it all depends on your criteria as well. If you set them low enough, youre bound to find lots of perfect people /smiles.

Anyhow, perfectly matched people is an interesting thought . . . Is there such a thing? I guess, looking at a couple who are okay, who are happy and who work together, many might call them a perfect couple. Its probably a lovely thing to hear and would only serve to strengthen the bond between the people in a relationship, which is all good . . . BUT . . . what I wonder is . . . what was it that worked to make them seem that way? Not just seem as in they seem like they are, but they arent really . . .. No, not that kind of thinking. I believe there are people who work together, obviously we have the example of people who very obviously work and are happy together.

No, the question is, how did they get that way? The thing is . . . I dont believe it happens by itself. They must have worked at it . . . done something, said something and . . . the word that keeps coming back is work. Isnt that what everyone says? That relationships is something you have to work at. Theyre not the result of accident. Every couple (the far, far majority) will run into some kind of trouble at some point if not quite a lot. Thats life, we all know that.

But, apparently, before we even get to the work part . . . there are other factors that influence the possibilities of a good relationship, arent there? Too many people have mentioned certain things over and over again and if I am ever to understand this . . . I better include them.

Someone mentioned COMPATIBILITY. How about that factor? It was actually more than one person who mentioned it. But how can I/you/anyone know if two people are compatible?

Speak to the other person?

Speak a lot? I guess . . .

And its less practiced, but perhaps more important sibling

Listening . . . ;-)

To listen A LOT . . . which can be hard for a person who talks a lot. And hard for the other person to listen a lot . . . because they have to do it so much already. Yes, the old classical thing between men and women isnt it? You know . . . woman talks and talks and man gets fed up and also doesnt get to say much and might not even want to because he is so tired from hearing so much already. No, dont kill me ladies /smiles/, Im only addressing something that some men have often stated. Personally, Ive actually only experienced this once. Of course, the roles could be reversed, were all individuals after all, no matter what gender. But whoever does the over-talking probably needs to practise listening and vice versa.

Before anyone thinks that this is some kind of course in relationships, I dont actually know anything here . . . I just have a lot of questions and thoughts. Im seriously wondering about this mystery at this stage as I have reason to. Forgive me if I come across as teacher-ish. Its just my analytical ways.

Anyway, theres obviously heaps and loads of both speaking and listening needed to determine any possible compatibility. All the while, standing by our values . . . our goals and aspirations to find what we want and find the strength to hold on to those goals. Which means we need to KNOW what we want? And we can only know what we want if we know ourselves, right? Isnt that in itself almost a life-long goal? Okay, we can all get to know ourselves enough at some stage (possibly in our twenties?). Know enough to know what we want in a possible partner.

It also takes being honest with yourself . . . this one is tricky. Some people think being honest with themselves is about giving yourself the self-proclaimed right to have all your desires come true. If that is correct then I should probably start on my goal of seducing every woman I find attractive in the worldwhich is something I gave up on a long time ago. Mostly due to time-constraints and a severe impact on my wallet. It aged before its time and died a gruesome death.

Seriously though, not everything we might fancy or desire for ourselves is good for us. And I think, I might be completely wrong here, that to attempt to indulge your every desire might have an adverse effect on your life. After all . . . quoting the old sages of timelessness again, patience is a virtue . . . as is a measure of self-restraint. Consider, for instance, those of us who enjoy food . . . if we gave in to that desire completely, we might grow obese and our health might suffer, reducing our life-span considerably and possibly depriving our loved ones of our presence. Worse yet, what if you have children?

Smoking and alcohol obviously fit this category as well. Moderation is key, when it comes to so many things. Having a bit of self-restraint can also be quite empowering. Can you resist that bit of chocolate? Or do you just give in all the time? Do you give in to the demands put on you by your partner too? Friends? Can we see a pattern emerging perhaps . . . ? As a side-note: This doesnt apply to those who find their joy in actively serving or seeing to their partners every need and desire . . . some get off on that . . . and before you ask, no, I dont . . . I wouldnt mind being served though /smiles. Actually, I think its a position of great responsibility. I mean, after all, how many wouldnt end up abusing that trust and love shown to them. Everything carries it own responsibilities. Love and genuine care about another ones feelings is key, whether youre served or you serve . . . at least I believe so.

The other side of the coin here would be to restrain yourself to the point of feeling guilty for doing even the least bit of thing that you fancy or enjoy, or even should! To put too many burdens on your own back, to carry more than you should. This would for instance be the mother who really works conscientiously to raise her children and provide for them, not just physically but more importantly, emotionally. She might feel guilty for thinking about herself once in a rare while. It might be a guy (or girl) who, even though he is immensely kind and loving, and cares about the well-being for his partner in every way, has a dominant streak between the sheets, but never expresses this to his partner for fear of rejection or hurting her feelings. He, and perhaps her too, would then stand to lose in the department of sensuous physical delights and may feel unfulfilled as a consequence.

All because we dont find out early enough . . . to paraphrase the sages, wouldnt it be easier if we all knew everything about each other . . . wed judge each other a lot less and be more forgiving instead, have more compassion and empathy . . .

To be continued...(see the other forum: 'Friendships and relationships' or something...)